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Vampire Tree Terrorizing Town

Hoboken, Oregon has had a rough year. First their whipped cream factory exploded and buried the town under many feet of whipped cream killing hundreds of people. (link) Much of the town is still buried but got little attention due to bigger disasters in the gulf and Haiti. Then just last week we reported that vampire activity was turning their town into a citizenry of Zombies. It got so that hospitals were facing an acute blood shortage due to poor quality vampire depleted blood. But local vampires in the spirit of community went on a fast to help the situation. (link)

“It is just terrible,” said Hoboken, Oregon resident Eloaod Mapupinziod, “You can't go anywhere in the state park outside town there because no one is really sure exactly just where that tree is. And no one wants to get a surprise attack ....  Continue Reading about this vampire tree ....

Vampires Go On Fast To Bolster Blood Supply In Town's Hospitals

Vampires are very active in parts of the country. Vampires in Hoboken, Oregon have been so active that local hospitals  put out an alert that there is a blood shortage.

“We put out the message to the media, the Red Cross, and other organizations that we have a dangerously low supply of blood,” said Sacred Thumping Heart Hospital spokesman Dr. Gerson Heeblehoot. “We got hundreds of people to donate blood, but it still wasn't enough.

“Due to vampire activity here there are just too many blood deficient, sick and weak people unfit to contribute blood,” added Dr. Heeblehoot. “We thought there was nothing we could do and that we were headed for a crisis. But just then the vampires themselves, in the spirit of community, went on a fast to help out the local health situation.”

“People think that just because we suck blood that we do not want to help out our community,” said local vampire Vladimir Rosapsescu. “You know, many vampires have children in local schools and are involved in ... Continue Reading the bloody story ....

Annual Ugly, Poor and Fat Men Convention Swarming With Groupies

Every year the Society For Ugly, Poor And Fat Men hold a convention. You are maybe wondering why there is such an organization and convention. Is it to help these guys out with strategies to overcome poverty and obesity? We asked several convention goers why they came. “I come to the convention for the women,” said convention goer Berty Jowlson from Trenton, New Jersey. “Hot women like ugly losers.” This is the answer that every ugly fat guy gave us. And if you looked around beautiful groupies swarmed the convention grounds.

I asked Melinda Goldbukeroos who flanked the left of a heavyweight, poorly dressed coventioneer who was a head shorter than her, why she was attending the convention, “Oh, I just love these guys. They are so down to earth and they don't try and impress you by throwing money all over because they don't have any. So you are just down to the essentials.”

LaTusha, who flanked the same fat guy on the right said, .... Continue Reading about this unconventional convention ....

Dinosaurs Went Extinct Because They Were Gay

Many paleontologists are coming to the conclusion that dinosaurs went extinct because they were gay. According to MIT scientist Dr. Irwin McCorynouat, “There is a growing body of paleontological evidence of widespread dinosaur homosexuality. Apparently many dinosaur species lack of interest in the opposite sex led to a reproduction decline that led to their demise.”

Although some scientists still believe a cataclysmic event such as a comet or climate change killed off the dinosaurs several fossil sites are throwing a monkey wrench into old theories. In a recent University of Montana dig researchers found two male dinosaur skeletons who died together in a loving embrace. Researchers are seeing simular gay entwined fossil positions at paleontological sites world wide. Paleontologists have unearthed several dinosaur species, such as the megasaurass and the lickalotapus, in various locations engaged in homosexual activities.

According to Dr. McCorynouat, “Scientists .... Continue Reading this gay article ....