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Thursday, 25 February 2010 06:57 Brian Friedkin

Eating Tomatoes Declared Illegal Due To Trademark Infringement

Edwin Tomato says his family has had the name "Tomato" for centuries and all farmers and produce dealers owe him and his family back royalties for using his family name for their food product. "There is no evidence that any of my ancestors gave any farmer the right to use our name with the vegetable that it is associated with. This is an outright violation my families intellectual property rights."

In the middle ages people thought tomatoes were poisonous and didn't eat them. Tomato believes that his great, great, great x 24 grandfather in the 17th century was one of the first farmers to cultivate and popularize the eating of tomatoes, and then his name stuck. "That relative of mine and his sons and descendants who grew the vegetable were the only ones who had the right to use the name tomato. Everyone else owes us licensing fees for use of the name.

"It is as if right after Coke started selling their product and every other company that made a cola drink started calling themselves 'Coke' also. That is outright trademark infringement and that is what has been happening to my family for centuries. These trademark infringers need to ..... Continue Reading this tomato article ...
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Thursday, 18 February 2010 05:47 Brian Friedkin

Whipped Cream Factory Explodes, Entire Town Buried Under Whipped Cream

A section of a fresco unearthed in Pompeii. Future civilizations will be equally impressed by velvet Elvises they will dig out of the whipped cream in Hoboken, Oregon

Hundreds feared dead

It was a typical American town, with tract homes, a shopping mall, fast food chains, a Walmart surrounded by a huge parking lot and a dead down town. One thing that was unique in Hoboken, Oregon was the Acme whipped cream factory. Yesterday, a terrible explosion rocked the Acme whipped cream factory and buried the entire town seven to ten feet deep in whipped cream. Perhaps hundreds of people have died in this terrible tragedy. Emergency crews are still digging through thick whipped cream trying to find survivors. The whipped cream is getting stiff and rescue workers are giving up hope that the many people still buried under the thick mass of whipped cream will survive.

Already, a day after this terrible event, as the whipped cream hardens survivors and others are saying, “Leave the whipped creamed buried town to be as a monument to the future!” So exclaimed Mayor Jelbert McStunkoil. Yesterday he climbed out of the cream and went to work leading the rescue effort. But a day later McStunkoil said, “There is little hope of finding more people in the giant mass of whipped cream. Let us leave the whipped cream like it is as a tribute to victims of this terrible tragedy. One day Hoboken, Oregon, perhaps a thousand years hence will be what Pompeii is now. The citizens of Hoboken will not have died in .... Continue Reading about this mess ...

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Thursday, 11 February 2010 04:08 Brian Friedkin

Hospital Mess Up: Sex Change Patient Mixed Up With Nose Job Patient

Victim of a botched surgery, this patient now has a nose in the groin area. Unfortunately doctors sometimes mess up. One recent medical screw up is causing a controversy. In a Hoboken, Oregon hospital surgeons mixed up a nose job patient and a sex change patient. The sex change patient ended up with a nose in-between his or her legs. The nose job patient ended up with a vagina-like creation in the middle of her face.

"This lack of professionalism is outrageous," said a patient rights advocate Hector Fubocella. "Both of these doctors and the hospital deserve big fines and suspension of licenses."

A spokesman for Hoboken General Hospital released a brief statement saying, "We regret the error and we are working to insure future mistakes will not happen."

The sex change operation victim, who wished to remain anonymous, told Meltingclocktimes.com, "You bet I am suing. You have no idea how terrible it is to pee out of a nose. All of my life I have been confused about my sexuality and now .... Continue Reading & get your nose into the rest of the article ....

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Thursday, 04 February 2010 03:48 Brian Friedkin

Perverts Molesting Vacuum Cleaners, A Growing Problem For Appliance Stores And Law Enforcement Agencies

Some perverts actualy think this is a sexy picture.

A growing problem is terrorizing appliance stores that sell vacuum cleaners and bogging down law enforcement agencies across the country. Perverts are breaking into appliance stores and molesting vacuum cleaners by the hundreds.

"The problem is on the rise," according to Chicago police Sargent Victor Nedrosky. "It used to be sexy vacuum cleaners could live in peace without getting harassed and abused. But more and more perverts are molesting innocent vacuum cleaners and it has become a big problem for appliance stores and the police."

"It used to be in the old days," says vacuum salesmen Herbert Golvunk, "that just a normal lock on the store door would do. Nowadays you need to barricade a vacuum cleaner store or the perverts will find a way in. We lose thousands of dollars a year due to the molestations. And once the vacuums are molested it's difficult to find a home for them. Even if we clean them up, when people buy a new vacuum they want a fresh virgin vacuum. It is sad, but once a young innocent vacuum is molested it is scarred for life."

"It's a big problem in .... Continue Reading this perverted article ......

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Thursday, 28 January 2010 06:01 Brian Friedkin

MCT Investigative Report:

Everyone In The USA, Without Exception, Is Crazy

--And that includes you reader! If we had a national uniform it should be a straight jacket.

MCT launched a thorough investigation that probed into the media, social and political life. We interviewed thousands of people, we scrutinized hundreds of media sources. We came to the inescapable conclusion that everyone in the US, without exception, is crazy. Are you from another country? Most likely you are crazy also.

Modern life in America, and the world for that matter, has led to social conditions and an environment that has caused mental disease in everyone. "What?" you exclaim, "Are you saying there exists no one who is sane in the entire United States?" Right. If there is anyone out there that is not crazy, they would have to be crazy to live amidst such a huge confederacy of crazy people. For anyone to maintain sanity in this world is pure insanity-so that only proves our point that everyone is crazy.

Are you wondering, "Just what makes you think everyone is crazy? I know a lot of people who are getting on just fine." If that thought entered your head, it shows you are crazy yourself. Most everyone is plagued by ridiculous beliefs, crazy behavior --drug addictions for example. (And that includes Americas two most abused drugs-TV and religion.)

A few years back George Carlin summed up the contagion of crazy beliefs, "What is all this shit .... Continue Reading this crazy stuff .....

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Thursday, 21 January 2010 08:37 Brian Friedkin

New Virus Turns People Into Orthodox Jewish Rabbis

These guys looked like ordinary Nascar fans before they contacted the virus at a race in Georgia. A new virus is sweeping the nation and thousands of people have been infected. This virus does not make people sick, but the virus makes people believe they are orthodox Jewish rabbis.

Justervod Elsap was a normal guy who watched football, drank beer and worked in a hardware store in Chicago. Last Tuesday he woke up with curly sideburns and insisted on wearing black clothes and a yarmulke. He surprised his buddies when instead of serving beer and pretzels at a football watching get together at his house he served Manischewitz wine with gefilte fish.

Howard McToggleburg, a garbage man in Philadelphia, showed up for work in traditional rabbi attire and held a Torah. He slowed up work because he gave each garbage can a blessing to make sure it was kosher before throwing it into the truck. Philadelphia garbage officials put McToggleburg on sick leave and sent him home.

The virus is causing problems for some folks like Viril and Chesepeak Mchooterswap who are pig farmers outside of Hoboken, Oregon. "This virus is ..... Continue Reading about this Kosher virus ...

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Friday, 18 December 2009 02:02 Brian Friedkin

MCT end of the decade prognostication for the next decade and beyond:
Meltingclocktimes.com Predictions For The Future

--MCT prognostication for the next decade and beyond in the case civilization does not collapse. (So the predictions here may not happen.) You will never find a more absurd, bizarre, off the wall but at the same time convincing prediction of the future.

Are humans smarter than yeast? Yeast reproduce like crazy, eat up all their food and then die from starvation (resource depletion) and from their poisonous excrement waste (pollution). So we may have a future of Apocalypse and collapse. The world will be thrown into a new dark age with untold misery. In case this doesn't happen--and we don't believe this outcome will be less likely-- we predict the the following possibilities:

Here are MCT predictions of how the human race may adapt to limited resources, or even newly found and utilized resources, (for example--a discovery of how to harness nuclear fusion or a solar energy breakthrough with people adapting to vast energy cut backs.)

So if the human race, for example, gets rid of cars or figures a way of electrifying transportation via trains and batteries with wind power (or a less likely nuclear fusion scenario) collapse will not happen. The following predicts a future if the human race turns out to be more adaptable than warlike, suicidal and destructive and not quite as dumb as yeast. What will life be like then? Will life be a utopia? .....Continue Reading MCT predictions about sex, food, drugs, space travel and others .....

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Thursday, 10 December 2009 04:23 Brian Friedkin

Tobacco Store Receives 10,000,000th Prince Albert In A Can Crank Call

Popular Prince Albert tobacco has made life hell for tobacco store clerks

If you run a tobacco store one of the drawbacks is all the idiots who call every day and say, "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"

Bertold Humbucker is a third generation owner of New York's Big Apple Pipe and Tobacco Shop. "You wouldn't believe how many people call and think they are funny and original with the Price Albert routine," he says.

But yesterday was different when 15 year old Louis Smortwart called and said, "Do you have Prince Albert in a Can?"

Instead of Humbucker giving his usual reply of, "No, I got him out of the can and shoved him up your mother's asshole," he said, "Congratulations! You are the 10,000,000th caller with that stupid prank. I would like to present you with a plaque and a hundred dollar gift certificate."

"Wow," said the kid who'll get .... Continue reading this hot smoking news .....

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