Morgan Chase & Goldman Sachs Financiers Helping Out Unemployed By Hiring Them As Human Furniture
Wall Street banking firms like Goldman Sachs are reporting record profits, thanks to back door bailouts, while the unemployment rate is at the highest in nearly thirty years. Recently, in a London Times article GS CEO Lloyd Blankfein said he was doing God's work and that healthy banks were good for everyone. (link) This trickle down prosperity is clear to see in a new furniture fashion trend spreading among the nation's elite bankers. Wealthy financiers are taking advantage of the huge numbers of unemployed people and hiring them as human furniture. "Having human furniture is all the rage among the super rich bankers," says New York socialite Beatrice Nooberstune. "You are nobody if you don't have at least a few pieces of human furniture. Human furniture is great in your house, but it's also creating jobs for the poor unemployed. This new fashion is making a statement."
Harold Washington takes the subway daily from the South Bronx to uptown Manhattan where he crouches over as a piano bench, "Sure, it's not the most dignified job, but it pays the bills and I am not unemployed anymore. The job's OK except for the weekly visits from a fat piano teacher who gives lessons to the daughter of the Goldman Sachs tycoon I work for." ..... Continue reading about this stimulating stuff .....
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Years ago movies, like Night of The Living Dead, showed what may have been actually based on fact: People in towns across America became brain dead and aimlessly wandered around in search of human flesh to eat. The US military entered these towns and eradicated the zombies. But leading zombie research scientist Dr. Ziegfried Yoddlebucker has unearthed some amazing government documents through the freedom of information act. Dr. Yoddlebucker discovered that in a military budget cost cutting measure and due to public pressure to use less violent methods to deal with conflicts, the US government enacted a program to breed zombies who did not eat human flesh. Somehow these government vegetarian bred zombies interbred with the flesh eating zombies. Within ten years the government was successful in stopping zombie flesh eating rampages. Government records indicate that not one town has been attacked by flesh eating zombies since the 1970's. However, since zombies do not eat human flesh anymore no one took any action to eradicate them. Their numbers multiplied and now they are
MCT will think you are nut if you believe in conspiracy theories about anything. In fact, we are sick of them and if the 9-11 conspiracy wackos continue with this BS as much as the Kennedy conspiracy assassination wackos our heads may explode. However, MCT has unearthed other possible conspiracy theories. Unlike the wacko conspiracy theories there is evidence for the following, and when you look at the facts these conspiracy theories look plausible. Here they are:
Elmore McCowski, a disgruntled factory worker in the Sureon condom factory is now under arrest for putting super glue in thousands of packages of condoms in Hoboken, Oregon. Thousands of couples across the nation, who believed the condoms were lubricated, are stuck together and are filling up hospital emergency rooms from coast to coast.
No one really can explain how this happened. Some people theorize that these victims' asses just melded with the car seats from being on them so much. Others think it involves some sort of toxic chemical that dissolved and attached itself to the victims' asses. Many victims manage to free themselves from the strong bond and go in their homes only to get reattached the next day on the way to work. One man almost ended up in an auto crusher because he couldn't free himself from his car after trading it in for a new car in the cash for clunker program. A worker saw him and freed him with a sawzall. But reportedly the man's ass is now attached to his new car. Reporter Elvoid Tesartockfast said in a AP piece that, "Many of these people who I interviewed didn't think anything was wrong. It was as if it had always been this way and they couldn't conceive of a different type of life."
