Wednesday, 17 June 2009 08:00
Brian Friedkin
New Sport Craze: Live Cat Soccer
A new sport is sweeping the nation and the world: Live cat soccer. The game is played with a live cat instead of a ball and animal rights activists are outraged.
Huge crowds are attending the matches and businessmen in several cities around the world are in intense talks about forming professional teams that could help stimulate the dire worldwide economic situation. Meanwhile attendance at traditional soccer or “futball” matches around the world is plummeting.
“It's an extremely exciting sport,” says player Benie Evidlobal. “Not only do you need to outrun and out maneuver the opposing team like in traditional soccer, you also need to outrun and out maneuver a live cat. Then cat soccer has the gory excitement of a bull fight when the bull gets killed at the end. That is because usually by the fourth quarter the cat dies after being kicked around so much. Then the whole dynamics of the game changes because it takes a lot of athletic ability to kick around a dead cat and score goals with it. It's not like it's a soccer ball and easily rolls around.”
Enid Pelvurtus, a PETA official has tried to get the police and the courts to stop the games. So far he only got the police to delay two out of hundreds of games. “This sport is an outrage and ..... Continue reading about this new and exciting sport.....
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Thursday, 11 June 2009 03:13
Brian Friedkin
God Sends Johnny Cash To Play In Prison Hell Circuit 
No one has proved that there is an afterlife. However, people who proclaim they have recently had near death experiences and seance participants are reporting startling news: Johny Cash is now on a prison hell tour.
Supposedly God sent Cash down to hell to give respite in the form of entertainment to the millions of tormented souls. Many sufferers have had no break for a millennium. Elbert Jonesbov, who died in Folsom prison in 1995 while serving life for murder said, "I was given a rotten lot in life and I inflicted evil on people. But what luck I have had to have seen Johnny Cash when I was a young prisoner in the 60's, in the Folsom penitentiary and now again in hell." This was reported from a Los Angeles drunk driver, Jed Strutermean, who crashed and put himself into a coma for a week. Doctors believed he was dead but he revived at the last minute.
Others are reporting similar stories.... Continue reading about Johnny Cash music in hell ....
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Wednesday, 03 June 2009 08:00
Brian Friedkin
Restaurant With Disgusting Menu Turning Away Crowds
Menu Items Include Unwashed Pig Anus, Mashed Donkey Brains, Savory Eye Balls, And Bull Penis Sautéed In Fish Guts
 Restaurants are suffering in the current economic crisis. Some restaurants have tried substituting cheap rotten ingredients for fresh expensive ones in the hope that lower prices will attract dinners. These restaurants are finding that many people love the new rotten food and will even pay more for it. Elephant turd pate, dog vomit soup, cat brain in a creamy sauce of maggot infested rhino piss, maggot cheese with battery acid wine. These are just some of the menu items in a up town Manhattan restaurant that has to turn away people at the door—even in this economic climate. Other entrees include crunchy cockroach bits with dog drool sauce; Cat brain with a tangy elephant semen sauce; Sautéed monkey balls; Iguana gut stew. According to Gourmet magazine editor Ciecil Boverooder, “Disgusting food is all the rage now. People just got tired of eating food that tasted good. They wanted something different. But not only did these gourmets get something different. These connoisseurs discovered a whole new world of delectable and unique flavors and tastes that go beyond the ordinary.” ... Continue reading about this disgusting new trend! ....
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Thursday, 28 May 2009 05:55
Brian Friedkin
Man Buys House And Discovers Everyone In His Neighborhood Are Zombies
--MCT continues an ongoing investigation on zombie infiltration in America
Elford Zeeberzocks got tired of the rat race in Seattle, Washington. So he cashed in on his overpriced house a few years ago and moved to the slower paced Hoboken, Oregon. Zeeberzocks thought Hoboken was much like other places in America, a decrepit downtown, with depressing suburban sprawl and crappy post WW II architecture. But even so, Hoboken seemed nicer than other small American cites. It is near pristine forests and mountains and there is a good ski area just an hour away. Zeeberzocks used to work in construction and spent months remodeling his new house. He ended up with a great place to live that would have cost a fortune in Seattle. But his paradise started looking grimmer --something was strange in his section of town. ... Continue reading this sordid tale of zombie infiltration if you are human yourself and have the capacity to read ...
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Thursday, 21 May 2009 01:59
Brian Friedkin
Hippie Convention Convenes In Hoboken, Oregon
 Hippiedom is not a throwback from the sixties, but a thriving subculture that the giant annual hippie convention, convening today in Hoboken, Oregon is making evident. Thousands of dread-locked, tie-dyed enthusiasts from hippie enclaves all over the US and abroad are already swarming the Hoboken streets. Conventioneer Freedombear Dingbouts, hitchhiked from San Fransisco and said, “It's really exciting to be here in Oregon for this special event. Especially because Oregon has always been an historic hippie mecca.” Then he added, “Do you have any spare change?” But not everyone is happy that even more hippies than usual will .... Continue reading about the Hoboken Hippie Convention ....
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Thursday, 14 May 2009 05:00
Brian Friedkin
Are Porno Movies Going Overboard?
 It used to be that a magazine like Playboy publishing pictures of a woman's tits would outrage people. Four or five years ago Janet Jackson exposed her breast during the Super Bowl half time show and caused a controversy. But we wonder if anyone would notice if she did it now --just a few years later. The way things are going before you know it transsexual midgets getting golden showers will be standard fare in family Disney films.
Meltingclocktimes.com surveyed porno trends and found these scenes in several recent porno movies:
•A popular new film includes group sex with alligators, giraffes and orangutans. In one recent porno movie Honey Bomberooni gets into a male prison and takes on 50 guys at once. Then she does the entire Barnum and Baily Circus (including the animals).
•In another popular new film porn star Hotcha Kaboom sticks an ...... Continue reading about this obscene stuff and take a poll! .....
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Thursday, 07 May 2009 01:14
Brian Friedkin
The New Green Is Short! Billionaire Breeding Dwarfs To Save The Environment & Make The US Energy Independent
 His name is Vivold Linquensha. He made billions of dollars in bio-technology. What is he doing with his billions of dollars? He is out to transform the world into something energy efficient, sustainable & pollution free. His plan is based on an old economic model made popular in the 70's by economist EF Shumaker, "Small Is Beautiful."
"Not only do we need to get rid of big cars, big houses, big consumption of junk and resources, but we should also make ourselves smaller," says Linquensha. So Linquensha and his team of biologists are working on a form of a vaccine that will cure people of, "Goofy tallness." The idea is that young children get this shot and never grow beyond three feet tall. Also Linquensha is working on a medicine that will shrink existing tall people. And they are having a big small success with laboratory animals. Now they are testing the shortness drugs on humans.
Linquensha makes a pitch for his plan, "Just think of ecological benefits of people half the size: You can fit twice as many people into cars, buses and ..... Continue reading about this plan ....
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Thursday, 30 April 2009 02:05
Brian Friedkin
Gay Population Skyrocketing Due To Vampire Aversion
Vampires have been avoiding gays for fear of contacting the AIDS virus for 20 years. Up until the mid 90's the gay population decreased due to fatalities from the AIDS virus. According to Census Bureau statisticians two factors have changed death demographics for gays. One is anti viral drugs that have suppressed HIV and AIDS. The second is that Vampires have been very cautious about sucking gay blood. While other stories like the financial crisis and swine flu make news headlines, it is a fact that vampires kill thousands of people annually. Vampire attacks also injure thousands of people yearly causing them to enter into a nether world of the undead. FBI statistics cite thousands of unexplainable mortalities every year in the US that involve neck punctures and/or blood loss. While the AIDS virus has hit gays hard this other "unknown" pandemic has left gays untouched. Because vampires ... continue reading this gay story ...
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