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Shocking News! Tuesday, April 27, 2004!
Mad Cow Scare A Plot By Aliens Who Are Sexually Attracted To Cows

Just fat cows to us, but aliens see Earth cows as trim, sexy and shapely love goddesses.

Mad Cow disease has not made headlines for weeks now. However, Meltingclocktimes.com investigators have discovered new shocking information about the mad cow affair. According to a top CIA scientist, who wished that we not reveal his identity, the mad cow scare was a plot by aliens who are sexually attracted to earth cows. These aliens are in love with our cows on Earth and cannot bear to see them eaten. The aliens had hoped a mad cow scare would trigger a world wide stop to beef eating and hence cow slaughtering.

This top CIA operative concluded this theory along with other CIA agents working on mysterious cow disappearances throughout the world. Apparently, the aliens have kidnapped thousands of cows worldwide and made them into sex slaves. How these CIA scientists came to this conclusion is not exactly clear. However, the CIA agent did tell Meltingclocktimes.com that the government has a strange film of intelligent beings who look simular to cows performing very weird rituals and sensual acts with Earth cows. The grotesque film was taken by an unmanned spy plane in Northern Iraq that was searching for weapons of mass destruction in fall, 2002. At first a CIA analyst mistook an alien's huge penis for a missile and added to the confusion about the existence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

Our secret CIA agent source believes the cow loving aliens are not now prepared to invade Earth. So the aliens instigated the mad cow scare to preserve their beloved cows' lives until a future date when they can amass more spaceships to save the animals. While this theory does seem bizarre, once skeptics see the evidence they admit it is a compelling argument.

From what the CIA knows about the aliens is that they are immensely fat, even fatter than the cows they love. Their heads and faces are very simular to cows. However, the CIA believes that the aliens walk on two legs, have 5 huge stomachs and two asses each. Government scientists have theorized that the aliens see Earth cows as trim, sexy and shapely love goddesses.

The aliens' grotesque size may be what is keeping them from invading Earth and stealing more cows. Interstellar space travel requires huge amounts of energy even without heavy weight cargo. If these aliens weigh a ton apiece that may limit the feasibility of transporting an army of cow rescuers to planet Earth. So hence, the mad cow scare.

While cow lovers and Hindus may welcome these cow saviours the US government is on alert for large spacecraft that may be hovering around cattle ranches and dairy farms. The US government sees these aliens as a threat to cows because they are forcing the cows to engage in perverted sexual acts. In secret diplomatic circles the Indian government has pushed for a liaise-faire attitude in response to the cow loving aliens. The US government is working to convince the Indians that thousands of cows may be suffering very wild sexual perversions and it is in the Earth's best interest to thwart these cow loving aliens. The government is also looking into the possibility that vegetarian propaganda, as well as the mad cow scare, was instigated by these aliens.

The government is especially on alert because the aliens' mad cow scare has had a very minimal impact on stopping meat consumption and cow slaughters. CIA and military officials fear the cow loving aliens could resort to some sort of rash action to save their beloved cows.