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Breaking Perverted Holiday News! Friday, December 14, 2007

Republicans made Santa's naughty list--No presents for the perverts most likely.

Santa Claus Kicks Republican Congressmen Out Of The North Pole After A Visiting Delegation Molest Reindeer In Men's Bathroom
It was a perverted free for all at the North Pole. Santa Claus and citizens everywhere are outraged after learning that several Republican lawmakers unleashed their odd sexual proclivities and went wild while touring Santa Claus' compound in the North Pole.

The Republican delegation visit to the North Pole and Santa was an attempt by the Republican leadership to bolster good publicity for the out of favor political party wracked homosexual sex scandals, a housing crisis, and an unpopular war in Iraq. The visit backfired on the Republicans when several congressmen lost control of their sexual urges for sexy young male reindeer and let loose in a frenzy of unbridled debauchery.

One of Santa's helpers, Elfdor McKrikle, said, “I used to be a conservative elf. But after seeing the Congressmen lurch upon our young innocent reindeer I have no faith in Republicans. One congressman even pinched me in the ass when they toured our workshop. What a bunch of perverts! I like Ron Paul's economic ideas, but if I were American I'd never vote for one of those degenerates.”

According to several witnesses the Republican Congressmen herded several unwitting male reindeer into the men's bathroom where the congressmen had their way with them. Several elves working in the adjacent Santa's workshop making toys heard strange noises. Penque Latutosh, an elf who manages Santa's workshop, entered the Men's room and found the Congressmen and reindeer in all kinds of weird positions. “It was disgusting,” said Latutosh, “they were making a mess—I couldn't even find the stool I use to reach the latrine. I never saw anything so obscene—and that includes bukake movies.”

As soon as Santa learned about the shenanigans he was swift to kick the Republicans out of his North Pole Compound. The Associated Press quoted Santa saying, “We are not used to that kind of depraved hanky panky here in the North Pole. Sure, Mrs. Claus and I get it on about once a week to steam up these long cold arctic nights—but that is good wholesome hanky panky, not sorid Republican stuff.”

Media observer Gordihiem Rudollapflap remarked that, “Republican lawmakers are trying to overtake Priests as the world's most perverted group of people.”

Psychologist Herbert Hoonvee wrote about the recent onslaught of Republican sexual indiscretions as, “'The clown crying inside syndrome.' If a person inside feels like a freak because he is gay or reindeer turn him on then what is a better way to come off as a normal, conventional person than as a priest or a Republican lawmaker?”