An End To World Hunger? Surgeon Transplants Goat Stomachs Into Poor People So They Can Eat Grass
A prominent surgeon from the Hoboken, Oregon Medical Institute, Dr. Midros Hienzmucker has perfected a revolutionary way of ending world hunger. Dr. Hienzmucker crafted an operation that transplants a goat stomach into a human stomach. The human recipient with the added goat stomach can then eat grass, or even paper--anything that a goat can eat and digest it. Furthermore the enzymes in the goat stomach process the grass carbohydrates into energy giving nutrition.
"This is a development that has the power to transform the world," says humanitarian Edzel Frustrawhip. "Dr. Hienzmuckers foresight may create a future world without hunger and make possible the end of poverty."
"If you think about it," says Dr. Heinzucker, "humankind expends incredible labor and energy to feed grass and grain to fatten cows, chickens and other animals. Then we eat their meat, eggs and milk. This is very inefficient. Why don't we just eat the grass ourselves?"
If enough poor people move lower down on the food chain the world would need less land for food production to feed teeming populations. That would ensure that rich countries like the United States could use the freed up agricultural land for more important things like growing crops for bio fuels so Americans could continue motoring around from Walmarts to McDonald's. Many studies have pointed out that even if half of America's crop land was devoted to bio-fuels it would only offset five per cent of oil consumed in America.(link) If a big percentage of Americans and other people in the world transplanted goat stomachs into their bellies and ate grass more farm land could be freed up for bio-fuels.
"This is great news," said Bio-fuel entrepreneur Altoik McFesterboud. "We have heard a lot of mean spirited bio-fuel criticism from scientists. But now there is a possibility that millions of people with new goat stomachs will only eat grass. Hopefully liberating the land for bio-fuel will shut up the bio-fuel critics."
A cow needs to eat six pounds of grain to produce one pound of meat. A pig needs to consume four pounds of grain to produce one pound of bacon and ham. Many people have advocated a vegetarian diet as a way of getting more bang to feed people. Critics have made the case that much grazing land is unsuitable for growing crops. That is until now. Now with the possibility of goat stomach transplants humans can now eat grass grown anywhere. If you can't afford a steak you don't even need to resort to beans and rice to conserve your wallet. You can just eat your back yard. If you are poor and live in a teeming overcrowded slum with scant grass, hay is even cheaper than rice or beans. And if more people switch to a grass diet we can be sure there can be more ethanol produced to be able to ship the hay to slums in Rio and Calcutta.
But the beauty of using goat stomachs is that goat stomachs can digest just about anything--even paper. So it will be possible to feed the masses with recycled newspapers--and old newspapers are even cheaper than hay. This could bolster the newspaper and magazine industry by adding value to their products. Newspaper sales are sure to increase if it includes a free meal.
"This is a positive development," says Economist Hubert Humperdinker. "This may be the economic jolt that can help the world economy break out of this recession by stimulating the goat breeding and stomach transplanting industries. I think the Obama administration should implement a program to train medical technicians to install goat stomachs into poor people and give them tax incentives to perform the operations."
Comments
If God didn't want us to have Cancer, he wouldn't've made it. Therefore, there should be no chemo therapy.
If God didn't want some of us to be born without hearing, he would not have made it so. Therefore, we shouldn't have hearing aids.
God supposedly threw mankind out on its ass because one woman ATE AN APPLE. He also drowned the whole world when his recent batch of humans turned out to be failures. Apparently, He can make mistakes, and if we have to fix his screw-ups, so be it.
I still think transplanting goat stomachs into poor people is a bad idea. I'm 60% sure this is fake. Who would immediately think of getting poor people to eat grass if they made a discovery like this? I'd be transplanting it into us fat Americans who like to eat whatever we want... maybe it'd solve the obesity epidemic
c:
1.They can change the stomach but what about the glands that produce the acid to break down the food? how are they gonna transplant that into people?
2.Nutrients. Goats are goats but humans are humans and therefore need something full of the kind of nutrience that human bodies need to function.
3. If you kill all the goats to transplant their stomachs the goats might go extinct and you won't be able to transplant anymore.
4. How the hell do you afford this without taxing everyone into submission?
5. just a question...How were you able to practice this? Did you actually do experimental testing to find out if it worked?
And haven't you people ever heard the expression, "Hornier than a two peckered goat"? Mamma mia! Goats are very horny, and many have two peckers! So there is no chance they will go extinct.
And it's not like there isn't enough food on the planet, it is just the higher cost of food and the inability to transport the food to areas of high poverty.
How dare you call me "dude!" I am a 73 year old grandmother. I think you need to start showing some respect to your elders and you need to improve your language, young man. If I would I meet you on the street I would hit you on the head with my umbrella and you would deserve it!
or feed poor people to poor people ... soon, there would be no mo' poor
Poverty = Solved.
They spelled it ''increace''
-.-
How many surgeons will it take
How much time will it take
How expensive will it be
Are there even enough goats???
Or do we clone and mass produce them?
Such a "solution" to hunger is not really that practical yet ya fagalo Doctor..
do you people really think we can tranplant organs from animals to humans!!!???
we cant even transplant from humans to humans if they are not from the same blood type, you think we can incorporate the DNA from another SPECIES into us??????? AND A GOAT????????
dammit, dammitalltohell how can people be SO uninformed??????
do you really think there is someone researching a way to make humans eat paper????? TO END POVERTY IN THAT WAY??????
DAMMYOUALL!!!!!
clearly, we need a different kind of research. one to make people intelligent. I rest my case.